Pregnancies create opportunities for families to be closer, communicate better, and understand the needs of their partners, but often times end up more disconnected and stressed. It doesn’t have to be this way. Have you ever been involved with something, yet felt completely excluded? You were involved, but were not fully acknowledged, or able/allowed to participate in certain parts? Did this leave you feeling more or less excited, empowered, motivated? Often times dads feel really left out during the pregnancy, delivery, and new baby experience for several reasons.
Moms hormones are fluctuating leaving her feeling (and acting) a bit crazy. Mom needs to be present to some of this irrational so that dad doesn’t end up feeling left out, used, exhausted, and completely disconnected. Creating connection and support during pregnancy is about communication from both parties.
Most women want the father connected and supportive, but unintentionally neglect his emotional needs resulting in him disconnecting. It takes mom involving dad, and making sure his emotional needs are met. This pregnancy is his too, his baby, and if you want him to be excited and involved, moms get to inspire and motivate him!! Even when we are feeling sick, fat, and hormonal.
One of the best books a couple can ready early in pregnancy is “The 5 Love Languages”. If you have children, read the kids book too! They are rather quick, fun, and interesting reads (and I dislike reading).
Often in our society (here in America) dads and husbands are not invited to participate or celebrate certain major events, especially the upcoming birth of their baby. Moms get to carry the baby, we get to feel everything, every little kick, twist, turn, and hiccup. Even the discomforts create a connection and bond with our little loves. Dad doesn’t get this, these experiences are our gifts.
This creates a disconnection automatically for dad physically. Often times when women feel alone and unsupported during their pregnancy, their men also feel disconnected, alone, and used. More then anything men are simple. They want to fix things, they want to feel like a super hero, they want others (especially their wives) to love, acknowledge, and respect them. When a women includes and empowers her husband to be involved with the birth, his love bucket is full, and he can provide the emotional support mama needs.
Including dad in the pregnancy excitement does not mean forcing him to do errands, and give massages. No one enjoys being forced, manipulated, or coerced, it’s about being excited building up, and acknowledging your partner. Dads are often times scared about the pregnancy, and upcoming birth: can they support you emotionally, financially, will everything be ok, will they do a good husband and dad?
Baby showers are usually about mom, they are a fun and exciting time celebrating the baby. Dad is excluded, again missing the excitement and celebration, leaving him feeling disconnected, unacknowledged, and unimportant. While most dads will say they don’t want to be there, or involved, this is their ego. No one ever likes being left out, especially when it’s one of the biggest events of their lifetime.
Our coed baby shower was very much about George, we invited our closest friends, including guys! We had a blast!! The dynamic with men and women being silly, seeing the guys (especially the ones without babies) get so excited made the day incredible. We had friends fly in, drive a distance, and truly celebrate this monumental day in our lives. It was a day I got to celebrate with George, my partner, I could not imagine such a huge event in our life that I would celebrate without him.